The ex-husband just got an apartment in San Diego. He is starting his life over 4,151.8 kilometres away from his 5 year old daughter and while he in fact left Canada 8 months ago, it never seemed quite so permanent. Until now.
He sent pictures for Nikki to see the apartment but as she hasn’t mastered email, I had to see them too. It’s bright and sunny, freshly painted and generally MUCH nicer than I expected he would be able to afford, albeit devoid of much in the way of furniture. And I am overwhelmed with a couple of emotions, one of which, perhaps oddly, is jealousy tinged with a wee bit of anger. Or vice versa. I’m not sure yet. And probably more than a wee bit.
So while I am behaving like an adult and taking responsibility for my life, and our daughter’s, by moving in with my Mom in Toronto to save money and still be available to Nikki and trying to reassemble our lives, he has moved on from responsibility.
I still pay for half of a car that I don’t even own anymore – it’s with him in California – but the loan is in my name too so any default and Bank of We Don’t Care who You Married will chase me since I am the only debt-holder who is IN the country. Yes, we looked at selling it but the loan is more than we could get for the 1 year old car, so I would still end up paying for it. No, I’m not kidding.
I don’t even get child support yet because he doesn’t make enough to pay for the apartment, half of the car, insurance and food. And there is more… but I can’t even put those in writing without wanting to punch someone in the throat.
He chose this life, but I’m paying for it. And in the end, Nikki is paying for it. And while I wouldn’t go back to the way things were for anything, I wish I didn’t have to pay for it.
He would tell you that he is doing his best, and I know he is not intentionally hurting Nikki. But that is nonetheless the end result.
So what, you say? He’s allowed to have a place to live, regardless of what he’s done, you say? Sure. But it should be a hovel. It should be dank, and in a basement with no windows and should include a hungry rat or two. Am I wrong to wish this?